I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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