i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
