oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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