my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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