Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Randomize
