just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
