yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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