i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
