i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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