sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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