hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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