I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just threw up on my dentist
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
