That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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