I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
