I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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