I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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