the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize