Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
