when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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