Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
