so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
