Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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