I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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