They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
