wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
