I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
