We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
