When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
