weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
