Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
