I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
