Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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