I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
