I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
do nipples grow back?
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