my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
false alarm, still single
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
