do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
