We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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