***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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