I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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