If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
