Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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