I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
