Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
