And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
