Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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