You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
