I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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