So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Your penis caused this!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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