My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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