well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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