haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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