Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
