Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
