does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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