Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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