she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
why is half of my head shaved?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
