he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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