sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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