i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
