He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
