I wanna passion pit in your ass
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
