Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
