i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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